Hello all! Welcome to the first annual Golden Chocobo Awards! I’m your host for this ‘eve and this is my lovely hostess ! [Cut To Cheesy Jokes and 20 Minute Long Skit] So without further ado… let’s go to the first ad break of the evening! [Audience Sighs] [Cut To Final Fantasy-Like Ads]
Welcome back! Now to introduce the presenters for the first awards! Please welcome, the feline/canine creature, Nanaki! And the always strange Quina Quen!
Nanaki: Hey Quina, I guess we’d better dodge the corny jokes for now, I think RS used them all up…
Quina: I’ve got plenty more Nanaki!
Nanaki: Okay… well let’s dodge them anyway.
Quina: Fine…
Nanaki: Throughout gaming history people have always pondered upon what it is they’re fighting. RPG’s have always tried to give villans complex personalities. The first award will honor those villans….
Quina: So… what are we doing again? [Eyes A Green Creature]
Nanaki: Uh… Just tell us the nominees would you? [Waves For The Waiter To Cover Up The Frog]
Quina: Okies, first up is Garland from Final Fantasy I!
[Camera Zooms To Garland, Who Sips On His Wine]
Nanaki: Kefka, from Final Fantasy VI!
[Zooms Into Kefka Who Laughs Insanely]
Quina: Sephiroth, from Final Fantasy VII!
[The Crowd Goes Wild As The Camera Zooms Onto Sephiroth Who Stares Across The Room At Cloud]
Nanaki: Ultimeca, from Final Fantasy VIII!
[Camera Zooms To Ultimecea Who Grins Slightly]
Quina: Kuja, from Final Fantasy IX!
[Camera Pans To Kuja Who Brushes His Hair]
Nanaki: SIN, from Final Fantasy X!
[Camera Pans To The Screen Which Shows SIN]
Quina: [Grabs the Envelope] …And the winner is… [Spots the Frog Then Leaps Down Off Stage] Frogs are t3h 0wnerz!
[I]Cast your votes! No reason for your choice is wanted, keep it short, keep it simple, keep it clean. Stay tuned afterwards for more awards such as ‘Best Supporting Hero’ ‘Best Heroine’ and more!
So yeah, Kuja.
Quina: …The winner is… SEPHIROTH for Final Fantasy VII!
[The crowd cheers as Sephiroth slowly moves to the stage.]
Sephiroth: [Grabs The Golden Chocobo and Stares Blankly At The Crowd]
Nanaki: [Whispers To Sephiroth] This is where you thank the fans…
Sephiroth: [Whispers To Nanaki] Shut up stupid animal! [Adjusts The Microphone Then Glares] You insolent creatures! You! All of you! Die tonight! HEAR ME!?
[Galbaldian Security Guards Run To The Stage And GRab Sephiroth]
Security Guard1: Sorry buddy, let’s go…
Sephiroth: I shall move MYSELF! [Punches The Guards Knocking Them Out Then Slowly Moves Off Stage.]
RS: Okay… Well let’s give a… cheer for Sephiroth… Uh yeah… right… Let’s move on… Presenting the next award are Zidane Tribal and Tifa Lockheart!
[Zidane and Tifa walk onto stage then stop]
Tifa: We’re here to present the award of, weirdest costume!
Zidane: [Stares Blankly At Tifa’s Chest As Saliva Runs Down His Chin]
Tifa: …Zidane? ZIDANE! Stop looking at my breasts and tell us the nominees!
Zidane: [Jerks His Head Up] Uh… yeah… nominees…
Tifa: Oh fine I’ll do it! [Zidane Resumes His Staring] The nominees are: Gogo from Final Fantasy VI, Umaro from Final Fantasy VI, Drag Cloud from Final Fantasy VII, Kuja from Final Fantasy IX and Maester Seymour from Final Fantasy X.
Zidane: Yeah… that’s them… [Zidane Pulls Up The Envelope, Brushing Tifa’s Chest With His Hand, Tifa Frowns] And yeah… the winner is…
Anyways, I’m voting for Gogo. He had all those crazy robes. Or something.