It’s that time of year again! So, in case you’re not familiar with the concept, this is the thread where I mock stupid people who proclaim they know everything. You ask questions. I give answers. You learn the real truth behind the games you only thought you knew.
There’s only one rule; only one question at a time. Post more at your own risk.
There just has to be a deeper meaning behind everything, doesn’t there? Haven’t you ever considered that it might just be a programming flaw? That’s all it is. Just a flaw in the programming. Yeah.
(Whew. That was close. I don’t know what I would have done if she had pointed out the periodic gaseous emissions from the nipples. The world just isn’t ready for the truth.)
If Yuffie was a real person, would azn canadians b all over her?
No, because Yuffie cannot exist in the same space/time continuum as Canadians. The world can only suffer so much retardation without exploding.
Does the world of VII have bathrooms? And if so, where are they, and why are they so well hidden?
There are no bathrooms in the world of FFVII. The reason for it is fairly simple. You see, in Japan, where FFVII was made, bathrooms are only there for men to rape women in so they can post videos of it on the internet. The polygon count on FFVII’s characters is so low that males do not have penises, thus there is no point.
Can i actually get sephi az a playabile charcter? omg, he iz teh bezt eva!!!!!!
Of course you can! All you need to do is find Jenova’s toenail. Once that’s equipped to one of your characters, he will come running to you and do whatever the character wearing the toenail says. Beware though! He cries if you separate them.
Is rufus’s coat really white or is it very very very very very light grey?
Neither. It is, in fact, an orange so dark that it defies the human spectrum of vision and shows up as a simple white color to our primitive eyes. However, if you look at it through the special glasses that sometimes come in cereal boxes, you can get a glimpse of its true magnificence.
i finnk he is liar bastard
prak is aweful we all h8 him, you hav no choice!
Why is it that a man sleeping in a cave knows so much about the party?
Pixels are so hot!!!
How do I see it?
i finnk he is liar bastard
It is indeed a lie. Jenova is only there for teh hawt secks.
Does Tifa wear a push-out?
Of course not. It would be soiled immediately by the noxious gaseous emiss… er… Sure, she wears one.
Is there a Red XII?
No. They named the Reds backwards from 100 so they could sing as they experimented on them. They never had time to collect the last few.
"Take one down, pass its lungs around, 97 Red critters in the cage."
Whats the secret about Sephiroths hair?
Somewhere out there, a lot of old ladies are very bald thanks to him.
Why is it that a man sleeping in a cave knows so much about the party?
Because they killed his brother. Those dirty rats.
how do i played palmer ?_?
Some use a bow. Others prefer a pick. I’m partial to the xylophone method personally.
U also get "Sit On Knee" materia, which levels up to "Baby Pictures" and then "Reminisce about Chidhood." TRUE!??!
You call that a God? Mr. One-wing was a laughingstock among the lowliest angels. No one intervened because they thought it was just too damn funny.
Why did the chocobo cross the road?
Well Timmy, it’s like this. You see, people hold these things called controllers in their hands…
Why did square add what I shall refer to as the "Orphanage Incident" (you all know what I mean) into FF8 and thus ruined the plot and the game?
Squaresoft was merely following the old adage, "If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If it is broke, break it more and say that’s what makes it good." It worked for FFVII, after all.
Is it true Aeris is actually a man?
Not in the slightest. Ifalna, on the other hand…
Is it true that Barret is an android prototype?
Hey, can’t you read? Didn’t you see what I said about asking more than one question? Go turn the blender off and pour your brain back into your head.
How many fanboys does it take to change FFVII discs?
Sorry. My expertise is limited to the games themselves. I cannot tell you why it takes four of them because I cannot verify it.
Is it true that Barret is an android prototype?
You are probably the first person to realize this startling truth! Indeed, he is an android, as is made perfectly evident by the fact that no one can possibly act in such a stereotypical manner without being programmed to. Of course, the truly scary part of it is his fuel supply, which you might be able to figure out from his origins as a gay sexbot.
How do you get the scene where Cloud, Yuffie, Aries, Tifa and their hot player friend from school have sex?
I hears Cloud washes his sheets 10 times to get them clean. *gawk*
Pixels turn me on……………….
srry didnt read it…doesnt mean u cant answer at least one of the questions…also that was pretty funny lol
I posted the secrets of Barret’s origin right before you posted that. Go up a few lines to learn the shocking truth!
Is Marlene really the illegitemate child of Tifa and Cloud?
Of course not. Where would you get a ridiculous idea like that? She is, however, both Cid’s half sister and great aunt.
How can Cloud fit in the houses as they are half his body?
Very painfully. And if you think that’s a tight squeeze, imagine the results when he gets into a fight in someone’s house and his character model changes to full size.
how do you make cloud black?
Ever seen 101 Dalmatians? Same concept.
Is it true Cid is infact the father of Yuffie?
When does Rinoa become Ultimecia?
It probably had something to do with Terminator coming out long before Barrett was even conceived in some lousy writer’s brain.
Why did they create a scene in which cloud is able to have gender transplants which of course makes him hotter than the real women?
The creators had just bought stock in a drag club and wanted to popularize the notion that men dressed as women are hotter than the real thing.
*semi-spoiler of FFIX* In the end of FFIX, you find out that the crystal is the origin of all life. My question: Did the crystal have sex with another crystal in a parallel universe, or did it go to a sperm bank?
Neither. I’ll give you a hint. A rib was involved.
I find it funny how every question so far has been based on FF7. And my next question will not buck that trend in the least!
Is it true Cid is infact the father of Yuffie?
Mind. Gutter. Out.
That would make their relationship totally incestuous.
Ya know why is it that supranove only slightly hurts the party when it destroys all the nooby planets
Supranove lol. It’s because the paper mache planets Sephy hung around the place don’t have much explosive packed into them.
What? You didn’t think those were real planets, did you?
*just to buck the trend*
When does Rinoa become Ultimecia?
When Squall dumps her for Irvine.
But doesn’t Irvine become that Griever thing?
What to do you think of Cloud?
Supernova.
Have you ever had a lump of paper mache thrown at you? That shit hurts!
But doesn’t Irvine become that Griever thing?
Yes, but that doesn’t happen until Squall leaves him for Cid.
Prak, answer this in one sentence:
What to do you think of Cloud?
His head would make one hell of a drill bit.
So the crystal went to Chili’s, ordered a babyback rib, and then had sex with the waitress?
From what I’ve heard/seen at or about my local Chili’s, that’s not anything special…
Survey says: That’s a pretty dumb question.
If sephiroth has the ability to kill someone with one stab throught the back why is it that every ff human boss doesn’t have a mark after being burned shot slashed shocked ect.?
Because it’s all just a play being put on by sock puppets. Cardboard swords and plastic lightning bolts don’t leave much in the way of marks.
Is it true that Tidus is, infact Meg Ryan with a penis?
That’s redundant.
Who will whine more ’cause of a paper-cut: Locke, Cloud, Squall, Zidane, or Tidus? And Why?
Cloud, because his primitive polygon count means that any visible wound would probably result in the loss of a limb.
So the crystal went to Chili’s, ordered a babyback rib, and then had sex with the waitress?
I bow to your deductive skills.
Yeah, but i didnt really know where it was developed for. Anw i know now.
what does that mean?…
is quina a he or she?…
is kuja a lesbian or gay?…
(Which is clearly in defiance of the one rule in this thread)
Yes, but they never got together because Zell didn’t want to take Squall on the rebound after he got dumped by Cid.
why rikku calling yuna as yunie?…
You see, sometimes when people really like each other, they call each other by unusual names to show that they’re friends. These are called nicknames.
is it true that tidus just wanted to hook up with yuna to give her his multitude of STDs?
No. He didn’t have them until afterwards.
Why did Shinra started out as a weapons manufacturer instead of a cookie-factory?
Becasue the cookies they made were too awful to market as anything other than weapons.
Irvine or Vincent? Why?
Vincent, because the magical coin of preposterous pretentious faggotry said so.
Why Cloud, Squal and Paine use huge swords when in the same time next to them there are Barret,Irvine and Yuna using guns????
Because most fans of ther series seem to have an aversion to common sense. They want swords even when it seems silly to have them, so swords get put into the games.
way to go prak…awesome…
but i want them to use giant fork instead of huge sword…
Common since would put a sword in place of a gun since gun fights usually don’t last long imo.
Then why square put also guns as it fucks up the whole balance of the world? :s
Yeah. Takes more skill to use a sword. Anyone can pull a trigger.
yes but can anyone aim? anyone CAN pull a trigger but thay may end up blowing their own face off
You could have mentioned it. ;(
sniff…sniff…
i still have more to ask…