Now that I am the greatest and most knowledgeable gamer in the universe, I’m going to share my wisdom with you.
The rules are the same as always. One question per post. More than that and you get nothing but mockery. If you make more than one post asking questions between my replies, you get the same treatment. No one else is permitted to answer because you will be wrong if you do. Only correct and truthful answers are allowed.
Now lay those questions on me so that I may prove my superiority and feed my ego use my knowledge to eliminate poverty and bring about world peace.
First, while playing as Jill, you have to make it to the first boss in under 3 minutes so you catch it while it’s still eating dinner. Once it’s dead, you can grab the mayo off the table. Reach the next boss in under 2 minutes to get the bread. Repeat until you have all the items necessary, equip them all at once, and stand in the zombie cafeteria picking lice out of your nose until the next meal time.
How do you get to see Samus naked in Metroid Prime 3?
Find the smash orb on the second planet and shoot it while waggling your wiimote in one hand and your manstick in the other.
If Solid Snake kills 3 sentries at 1:00 p.m., gets spotted at 1:15 p.m., manages to evade them and sneaks by another patrol at 2:30 p.m., how does this reflect on the Chinese government’s humanitarian policies?
Very poorly, because none of those sentries that got killed were Chinese, and everyone knows the most humanitarian thing the Chinese can do is let other people kill them for sport.
Did you watch the All-Star game last night?
Naw man.
how many shots does it take to kill a zombie in resident evil?
Depends on the type. Tetanus shots are far more effective than flu shots, for example.
He does that throughout every game he’s been in. Nobody ever hears it because our brains tune it out as a defensive mechanism, but after a long session with the game, most people lose a bit of their sanity. As a result, we’ve had tragedies like the Columbine shooting, pet rocks, bad TV coverage of the olympics, and Windows Vista. Damn you, Valve!
Who is the new boss/s in Metal Gear Solid 4?
Donald Trump, Eeyore, the jolly green giant, and a drug-addled Snickers bar with marital problems.
The Answer Man’s knowledge does not extend into the realm of forum idiocy. For that, I defer to my colleague, the magic 8 ball:
"All signs point to yes."
Replace the half-life CD with a Final Fantasy disc and put your best white mage in the party.
music in Contra 4 for the DS?
I really don’t anything about basketball, but my partner is a really big fan and can probably answer that. Magic 8 ball, what do you say?
"Maybe"
Who was Soap of COD4 really?
Jethro Bodine. His identity is revealed if you find the secret scenes in the game. The first comes during the flashback mission. If you go a certain direction, you can see his uncle Jed shooting at an animal and striking oil. The second is at the very end. Instead of hopping in the regular truck during the escape from the launch facility, you can get into this one hidden over in a corner.
Where can I reset the time in Pokemon: RUBY?
That’s the beauty of a handheld. You can do such things ANYWHERE! Hope that helped.
How do I unlock the hidden Remixed version of the Jungle stage music in Contra 4 for the DS?
First, you have to find a hidden item. In the first stage, if you jump over that thing near the beginning, then go back and duck under it, then go back once more and grind your pelvis against it until it breaks, an accordion will fall out. Using the buttons on the DS, you have to play the piece in its original form both forwards and backwards while whispering professions of undying love into the microphone.
What do I do? I need my Squirtard for teh tournies!
I’m trying to mate a Charizard with a Squirtle, but they won’t get it on. I even put on Barry White, lit some candles and dimmed the room. All they do is stare at each other with the occasional "Squirt Squirt" coming from Squirtle.
What do I do? I need my Squirtard for teh tournies!
It’s no wonder Squirtle is cussing you out. You forgot to get charizard liquored up first.
How do I change the white sleeve to black on the cover of black an white.
What’s that technical term again…? Invert the polarities? Cross the streams? Milk the goat? Ah, screw it. Just flip the damn thing over.
What a ridiculous question. Seriously, this one is so dumb that it really doesn’t deserve a response. But I’ll be nice, I guess…
Ridley is already available from the start. You just have to press the proper sequence of buttons while making a wanking motion with the wiimote.
In Donkey Kong, where does DK get all of thoes barrels?
He intercepts them after the wood elves toss them into the river to send them back to Lake Town.
What does Mario spend those infernal coins on?
Slot machines. That’s why no matter how many coins he finds, he’s still a plumber at the end of the day.
Which Sims expansion was the bestest?
The Sims: Hawt Buttsecks
Why is Ultra Magnus so great?
There really is a good answer to your question, but I can’t deal with that right now.
Is there a special feature to transform the Transformers game into a good product?
Yes. Ever heard of skeet shooting?
Do I pay the Shadow Thieves’ steep 20,000 gold fee to get me to Spellhold or go with Bodhi who will charge me 5000 gold less but is also quite obviously a vampire?
Do not go with Mr. Boddy under any circumstances. I hear that several people are out to get him, and you don’t want to be in the way when Colonel Mustard shows up with a lead pipe.
Ridley is already available from the start. You just have to press the proper sequence of buttons while making a wanking motion with the wiimote.
LOL
She gets them in her email. She’s on a mailing list.
lol geddit?
music in Contra 4 for the DS?
First, you have to find a hidden item. In the first stage, if you jump over that thing near the beginning, then go back and duck under it, then go back once more and grind your pelvis against it until it breaks, an accordion will fall out. Using the buttons on the DS, you have to play the piece in its original form both forwards and backwards while whispering professions of undying love into the microphone.
Hey it worked!! I professed my undying love to the series and it unlocked the track! Thanks Answer Man! Here it is:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/16481726efbac01c/
( BTW that is really the hidden track for the alternate first stage music of Contra 4. Much better than the standard first stage music IMO)
The freaky chicks always have their own strap-ons. It might not be lime green though, in which case, you need a special item: lime green anal paintball beads. One good thrust from the strap-on should change its color nicely.
Why did Sega introduce Silver the Gayhog in Sonic 2006?
The Answer Man only knows about the games themselves, not the reasons for all the stupid bullshit in them.
Bob Dole in a bikini, of course.
GUILDWARS FUCK YEAH!
I agree.
He’s a general practitioner of veterinary LASIK procedures, specializing in the removal of half-digested twinkies from the lungs of male children named Samantha.
Why is it that the end boss in all MegaMan X games is Sigma? I mean if they are going to make an end boss with a greek letter for a name I would assume his name would be Omega.
He has a complex about his bald head and the symbol for omega (Ω) would be a constant reminder of it.
Mega Man 7 = 16 bit
Mega Man 8 = 32 bit
Mega Man 9 = 8 bit ?!?
Explain this paradox
Viagra. It’s obvious how it inspired the spring gimmick, and the clown gimmick came from the response of his prospective partners.
Mega Man 1-6 = 8 bit
Mega Man 7 = 16 bit
Mega Man 8 = 32 bit
Mega Man 9 = 8 bit ?!?
Explain this paradox
There is no explanation. Capcom went insane. I just don’t get what they were thinking with 7 and 8.
What is the release date on StarCraft: Ghost?
Yesterday, and it’s selling out fast! Quick, go to your nearest retailer and ask for it! If they don’t have it, keep driving around until you find someone who does!
I guess I’ll keep posting replies to this thread as long as there’s interest, but don’t expect them to be frequent.