Bus Driver
09-11-2005, 04:32 AM
I feel the need to walk away
Yet the path leads to you
Although the road is long
This road only runs in circles
Yet the path leads to you
Although the road is long
This road only runs in circles
I remember the days so long ago
The cool breeze blowing
The sunlight across the field
The silence in the air
Now I see a concrete jungle
Distorted people in bad situations
With only a drink to guide them
But I do just the same
I wonder now if age is the cause
That we lose freedom and hope
The world cannot be that cold
Deep inside I am still the same child
I see the dimmed street lights
Saxophones and pianos playing lightly
Wondering if I veered from my destiny
The world still awaits me
The sun falls behind the horizon
So much has changed
And so much remains the same
I try to see the difference
The old paths await me
I am not too far away
Even though my heart is in a different place
My thoughts and memories still remain
Emery
09-16-2005, 03:14 AM
The first stanza doesn’t seem to fit the rest of the poem, and it throws off the flow a bit. A couple of the lines in the poem are a bit cliche, and it seems to sway from the topic and a couple points. Other than that it was a good read… !
Bus Driver
09-17-2005, 01:59 AM
Thanks, for your honesty and for reading the poem. My mind was kinda veering off the subject when I wrote it, but thanks for the constructive criticism.