(Chorus)
The time is slow the game got to go
The show is on and let us get it done
Revert the song and regret the undone
(Verse 1)
First was the jail second try was to bail
Escape from hell cops be chasing my tail
It is a sad day and life is a broken way
Life is like a prey being stalked anyday
Got tazed and locked inside a dark cage
Felt the hellfire blazing inside the hot cage
Sentenced for fifteen years of broken tears
Fought with fear the living dream of nightmare
If there only was a secret way to revert time
By using the mind rellocate and convert time
Inside the penintentary writing down rhymes
What must be done to cure the fate of hatred
Am i the only one to be known as the patriot
Damn this is a mess and life is on test
I delivered a pest and ruined the rest
(Chorus)
(Verse 2)
Before the jail before the broken hell
Life was fair and weird before the Jail Cell
Mama had no job and daddy working hard
Daddy was physically harmed and mentally scarred
It was hard to obtain money without a job
Couple months i got a job thanks to my homie Rob
I raised funds slowly but what else could i do
Money was a issue yet there are worse things going on the news
Talking about food, food was no trouble
Paying house rent and bills was a struggle
Last of all i got sick of all and started doing crime
I was alone my mind gone rogue and then it was the time
Robbed the bank, gave it a try saw people cried
Holding my gun on my right hand i started to fry
Clicking the trigger swinging my gun right and left
People started to run hide from fear from the mess
Blood on my hand on my chest and on my face
It happened so fast nobody last i was alone and safe
Police siren coming, and i stand alone as a mindless criminal
I felt a spiritual flow around me alone and individual
(Chorus)
(Verse 3)
Flash back and forth remember the past
Things happened so fast couldn’t drink up my glass
I saw the dead inside my corrupted head
Thinking and drinking from my glass wondering ahead
The crime the absolute mind of a crazy guy
The time i spent i wrote the rhyme lazy guy
Regret and anger comes in sight
Ruined my life screwed my right
On the shooter’s night fought my fight
Felt the flow it was slow saw the light
The power to revert the power to convert
Past and forth see the future imagine the birth
Earth is cold and restless soul to avenge from the dirt
Until i had a vision it was all black and white
I saw me with the Mac-11 shooting every sight
Closed my eyes i saw the skies moving fast
I saw gunshots blazing hell it was a blast
And last of all i saw my dad walking
Then on the kitchen i saw my mom talking
Opened my eyes and here i am watching
On my chair infront of my computer stalking
(Chorus)
pit
:facepalm:
Wow. You can be a total cunt when you want to be.
Read more.
Robert Frost – The Kitchen Chimney (http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/robertfrost/12111)
Francis Scarfe – Kitchen Poem (http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/kitchen-poem/)
RAP SONG
Motha f’er I said you a ho
Bust down my house i mess up you know
Oh man my pony it made out of glass
My two cent hooker goin’ to kick yo’ a
Down the street from the gay barber shop
I saw a transvestite hooker she was looking hot
All that crack I betta stop playin’
You boys and girls oh you know what I’m sayin’
Motha f’er I said you a ho
Bust down my house i mess up you know
Oh man my pony it made out of glass
My two cent hooker goin’ to kick yo’ a
I wake up the whore they say I’m a b
So I take out my car and drive down the ditch
Optimus Prime he hooks up the bomb
Drops it down da pipe as I sing this song
Motha f’er I said you a ho
Bust down my house i mess up you know
Oh man my pony it made out of glass
My two cent hooker goin’ to kick yo’ a
So hooker now I’m flying straight up the sky
Robot airplane even bakes me a pie
Shoot straight up looking down at that cat
Going to play me some Super Mario Bat
i hear theres a N.W.A. reunion, and they looking for someone to replace Eazy-E, i think gara has a shot
it seems a bit long-winded and scatterd though.
u have 15 bars then 17, then 21.
tighten it up, cut 1/4 and find a ghetto hook as an anchor in each verse.
ehh, died of aids, so your probably rite
Yea, Rap is in every way – a negative cloud on the entire world. It has a place nowhere. Its corrupt like barack obama & the Clintons.
:facepalm:
Not a Republican either. At least not this year, I dont like any of our candidates. So mabey closer to elections.
Lol, and her strange resemblence to Jack Nicholson as Joker!
"Hubba Hubba Hubba, Money Money Money"! "Who do you trust"!?!?
it seems a bit long-winded and scatterd though.
u have 15 bars then 17, then 21.
tighten it up, cut 1/4 and find a ghetto hook as an anchor in each verse.
Discodan, i really appreciated your feedback, i thank you very much. It will likely to help me improve you know. Thanks. 😉
audi5000
lol it is a rap. It doesn’t have to make sense as long as it uses colloquialisms and improper grammar. That is why Garamond’s rap is good.
a personal song. i cee i cee.
in the second verse, i would suggest making your flow more steady. Eliminate some syllables if you can.
Usually it’s best to write with the beat. I would suggest that for your next piece. I would also suggest thinking about what you want to say before saying something merely to rhyme. I was a bit confused at parts of your song.
keep in mind how much the beat reserves for a verse. most music reserves an even number (usually 8, 12, 16, 24, or 32 bars/lines).
a personal song. i cee i cee.
in the second verse, i would suggest making your flow more steady. Eliminate some syllables if you can.
Usually it’s best to write with the beat. I would suggest that for your next piece. I would also suggest thinking about what you want to say before saying something merely to rhyme. I was a bit confused at parts of your song.
keep in mind how much the beat reserves for a verse. most music reserves an even number (usually 8, 12, 16, 24, or 32 bars/lines).
Thank you a lot! I have recently been focusing on the beat and learned about the bars thing. It is getting better now, will soon post a new one. Thanks a lot 🙂
Glad to hear some one interested! Then lets procede the conversation over PM.
Stop Polluting the world with your life. Grab a gun and end your existance. Do so now….yeah right now.
Overall not bad just need to tweak it. Keep working at it.
Peace.
Overall not bad just need to tweak it. Keep working at it.
Peace.
Thanks homie, i really love your feedback. I want to learn and to improvise, thank you so much mad props! 😉